Double Date From Hell
by The Mulberry
Summary: Cake's birthday. Marshall Lee in a tux. Copious amounts of wine. Alpha-male-complex-syndromes. Awkward encounters. Gumball's bitchy date. A pretty blue dress. Fancy-shmancy. Can ya dig?
1. Chapter 1

_"Pleaassseee!?"_

"No."

"PLEAAASE!"

"No."

_"_Marshall Lee! I'm _begging _you!"

"Let me think... No."

In extreme circumstance, in dire situations, anyone can be reduced to a lower life-form. That's what Fionna decided she'd effectively become as she clung to Marshall Lee's leg like a desperate animal.

It was Cake's birthday the next day, and the cat had planned an extravagant evening filled with "dancing and class" (Fionna gagged at the memory of the words). It was going to be at some fancy-pants restaurant that was so high-end, Cake said Lord Monochromicorn had to take out a bank loan to get in for only a few hours.

At first, Fionna had been excited for her sister. "It's gonna be so romantic!" She had squealed when Cake first told her, the two holding hands and bouncing up and down in one of Fionna's rare moments of girlish glee. She had stood and started to slow dance with an invisible partner. "You guys are gonna dance, and drink, and eat little pastries-"

"And you are comin'. Bring a date."

The fight that broke out between the sisters was one of such utter proportion and devastating consequence that they could be heard throughout the entire Land of Aaa. After much screaming, hitting, and throwing of various kitchen appliances, Cake had just kicked Fionna out of the tree house and told her to "Get a date, or get lost".

She was such a bitch sometimes.

"Fionna," Marshall Lee snapped, bringing the girl back to present. He started to look irritated, and tried prying her from his appendage. He kicked his leg back and forth, flew into the air, and even tried banging her against the wall. All to no avail. Fionna was not letting go.

"Ugh, Fionna!" He flopped down on the ground while she still held on to him, something which proved to be rather awkward. "Why is this so important? Can't you just tell them you're not going!?"

With a long, dramatic sigh, Fionna sat up and stared pleadingly at Marshall.

"But it's Cake's birthday tomorrow," She faked a sniffle. "And she will be _sooo_ mad at me if I don't show. She'll always use it against me, I lumping swear."

Running a frustrated hand through his jet black hair, Marshall grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "...someone who eats cats."

"What?"

"Nothing. Listen, Fionna, I know that this is important to you or whatever, but it's not really my thing. I mean, look at me." He gestured to himself, and flashed an award winning smile."I know I'm gorgeous, but I'm not exactly 'fancy-pants' material."

Fionna's eyes grew twice their normal size into giant, blue, glittering orbs that filled with fake tears.

"Fionna..." Marshall groaned in exasperation. "You know I hate it when you do that."

By some form of evil, her eyes grew even bigger, and even cuter. She crawled over to him with a quivering lip, and clasped her hands together.

"Why don't you take PG? Eh?" Marshall elbowed her with a knowing smirk. "C'mon, I think he fits the role a little better than I do."

"I don't want to bring Gumball, I wanna go with my bestie."

She sat there, like a lost little puppy. Inching ever closer to him, Fionna made more sniffly noises and even got a tear to roll down her cheek.

"Get away from me." Marshall mumbled.

Leaning over to him until their noses touched, Fionna waited patiently for her friend to admit that she had won.

Marshall Lee wasn't one to be manipulated, but when it came to Fionna sometimes his pride and armor melted away into a puddle that filled his heart-guts to the brim.

"Whatever."

"YAY!"

* * *

The next night came fast, and Fionna barely had time to find a dress and a pair of shoes for the occasion. Marshall Lee had said he'd meet her at the restaurant, on his word, and Fionna just prayed silently that this was one of the times that he followed through with it.

"Oh sugar, I could just eat you up!"

Cat and Fionna sat outside their tree house together waiting for Lord Monochromicorn to pick them up. Cake sported a diamond studded collar that LM had given to her for their two-month anniversary, and two pairs of dainty little cat shoes to match.

Fionna hated wearing dresses, she really did. They made her feel weak and vulnerable. Unlike her mini-skirt, which was made from dragons skin and designed specifically for battle, dresses were not fit for the lifestyle she lived. You couldn't kick or run properly, and they hindered her fighting abilities. Anything that couldn't help her beat up bad guys or save the day was deemed useless, and dresses fit perfectly into that category.

She wore one anyways, though, and to make matters worse she couldn't wear her bunny-hat for comfort ("If you where that dirty old rabbit hat I swear to glob Fionna I will eat it, poop it out, set it on fire and then throw the rest of it into the ocean..."). At least the dress was blue, her favorite color, and it had spaghetti straps so it kept reminding her of pasta (a small comfort). It had a nice soft neckline that ended just a little above her lady area, and the fabric it was made out of was pretty soft so she wasn't _too_ uncomfortable.

The dress wasn't really why Fionna had a problem with her appearance. It was her hair. Cat had "french-braided" it down her back where it ended at her waist. It was honestly the most ridiculous thing Fionna ever had done to it.

_I mean really_ she thought stubbornly as she twirled a piece of loose hair, _If I run at all, my hair will just completely fly all over the place!_

Cake thought she looked appropriate for the evening, though, and that's all that really mattered. It was her birthday after all. Fionna could get through one night of looking like an idiot for her sister.

After what seemed to be a lifetime of waiting, LM finally showed up to get the two girls and whisked them off into the night. The restaurant, named _Fantaisie,_ wasn't that long from their house, and the ride over only took about twenty minutes. It was a pretty fancy place, tall with high-arched windows, stone walls, and leafy vines that worked their way along the structure. The waiters were a very proper type of mutant dog, and stood straight with very elegant posture, formal greetings, and smug attitudes. Fionna was intimidated by the crowed that stood outside the building. Aristocrats of every species were eating out that evening, and it seemed that most of them had decided to go to _Fantaisie._

Outside the restaurant, waiting for them, was none other than The Vampire King himself.

Fionna had asked Marshall to dress up. Pleaded, in fact. She had probably reminded him at least thiry times before she left his house the day earlier. But just because she had asked him, didn't mean that she actually thought he'd follow through.

Well, he did.

The fact that he showed up in the first place was a miracle in itself. He wore what looked to be a brand new tuxedo, black, shiney shoes, and a red tie that matched his eyes. Instead of floating as per usual, Marshall Lee stood straight with his hands behind his back, waiting expectantly for the rest of his party. The only thing that resembled any part of his regular attire was his tousled hair.

He looked incredibly amused.

Fionna couldn't help noticing how handsome he looked as she approached him. "Dude," She said quietly, in an effort to camouflage her thoughts and keep her cool. She punched him on the shoulder lightly. "I never thought I'd see you wear something so... _formal!_"

Marshall smirked. Instead of a witty, sarcastic comment on the fact she was wearing a dress and was without her bunny hat (as Fionna had expected), he bowed to the young girl with an elegance that Fionna didn't think possible and held out his hand. Her back stiffened- what was he doing?

"You look lovely, Fionna."

For a split second she was positively mortified; What. Was. He. Doing.

Marshall would have never offered to escort Fionna, let alone call her _lovely._ He was doing this on purpose, Fionna was convinced. He was trying to freak her out! She felt her face burn with embarrassment, and something else... a feeling she couldn't quite put her finger on.

The vampire had finally found her _true_ weakness; romanticism.

Luckily, Cake was there to save the day. She shoved Fionna towards Marshall's direction (in the most lady-like way possible)and gave him one of her best smiles. "Marshall, honey you look adorable! Fionna; _take his hand!"_

Cautiously, Fionna grasped the stranger's outstretched hand. It was cool and rough. She tried squeezing it as hard as she could to get him to break character, but it simply could not be done; Marshall Lee was quite the actor. Instead, he swung her close to him and looped his arm through hers. Out of the corner of his eye, he gave her a devilish wink.

It didn't take long for them to be seated. One of the waiters approached them, recognized LM and began to lead them to the veranda. Lord Monochromicorn wouldn't be able to fit in the restaurant, so they had to eat outside.

Fionna noticed as they made they way along the crowded walkway outside of _Fantaise, _women of all different species, shapes, and sizes gave Marshall lingering glances and flirtatious smiles. Apparently they recognized him as royalty (A floppin' king! Sometimes Fionna forgot), and in a fancy-shmancy place such as that it wasn't hard to imagine the types of aristocrats and royalty that would be mingling there that evening. It set a horrible knot in Fionna's stomach.

When they finally reached the table, Marshall pulled out Fionna's chair in a sickeningly sweet fashion. LM, taking Marshall's example, tried to do the same for Cake, but because he had hooves this turned out to be impossible and the cat had to pull it out for herself anyway.

Fionna hesitated before she sat down. Her seat was right next to the ledge, only a short wall separating her from sweet freedom, and she considered jumping over the side and making her escape. She could get out of this now, before she had to barf and act girly and stuff, and she could take the heat from Cake later. It was only a fleeting thought, however, because Fionna knew she could never abandon her sister like that. So, with a final huff Fionna plopped down in her chair and began to devour the fancy bread and butter set out as an appetizer.

When she thought it couldn't get any worse, a lighthearted voice called her name from the next table over and caused Fionna's guts to clench up and do a little dance in her tummy.

"Fionna? What a pleasant surprise!"

She didn't want to look, but she knew it'd be rude not to. One of the straps of her dress had shifted down her shoulder and a strand of her flippin hair had fallen out of place and she felt extremely self conscious. With an effort that resembled one dragging nails across a chalk board, Fionna slowly lifted up her head to force a toothy smile at one of her close friends.

"Hey, Gumball." She said through clenched teeth. A beautiful princess was sitting across from him and was casting Fionna a glare. He was on a date.

Marshall chose that moment to plop down next to Fionna, drape a possessive arm around her, and plant a light kiss on her cheek. He made sure that the bewildered prince was watching.

"Hey PG." He said smoothly, nodding in the direction of the pink prince. He dropped the formal act now that he had a much more entertaining way of torturing Fionna. Slouching in his chair, he waved a waiter over to the table and pointed to a very expensive wine on the menu. "We'll start out with two bottles of this, please and thanks."

Cake loved drama, and ate up every second of the scene that was playing out before her. "Make that three bottles!" She whispered excitedly to Marshall Lee. Fionna blanched.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

I plan on a second chapter but reviews certainly help! ;) btw i dont own anything whateva bye


	2. Chapter 2

The table was cramped. A small, rectangular slab of marble that squished two seats together on both sides. When she first caught a glimpse of it, Fionna recognized right away that her seat was going to be very close to her date's. It's not that she felt uncomfortable being near Marshall Lee. They wrestled, fought side by side, chilled out, and basically just touched each other in a "what's up", "hey dude", "you're my _**bud**_" type of way on a regular basis. In fact, on more than one occasion she'd fallen asleep on her couch with him, and once she even slept in his bed. Fionna was completely comfortable with the idea of sitting close to Marshall.

Despite all this, a warm blush burned through her face and down the back of her neck as her "bud's" leg sat flush against the bare skin of her own and he draped himself over her like a blanket.

"Marshall!" She hissed, trying her best not to have a complete freak out in the middle of the restaurant. "This place is too fancy for this kinda barf!" She attempted to shrug him off, but if anything it only encouraged him further. He tightened the grip of his arm over her shoulders and the annoying smirk on his face grew even larger.

Gumball did not look pleased. He stuck his nose in the air (something he did when he felt upset) and turned his complete attention to his date. Fionna recognized her as Rain Princess, a dainty, blue tinged girl with long, flowing hair down to her knees and a dress that seemed to be made from some type of magic water. You couldn't see through it, of course. That wouldn't be very princess-like. Fionna recalled her name to be "Drizzle", and also remembered that she was a total bee-yotch. The worst part was that their tables were so close together, they might as well have been on a triple date.

That's what it turned into.

"Your Highness," Marshall addressed Gumball. The pink prince forced his gaze toward the man who was practically on top of Fionna, and did his best not to show the disgust he was feeling.

"Hello, Marshall Lee..."

"Fancy meeting you here," Marshall gestured around the room. He nodded toward Rain Princess. "Who's the lovely lady?" He asked flippantly, giving her a suggestive wink. Drizzle blanched and shot Gumball a look that meant, _"Are you going to take care of this?"_

Although Gumball was a diplomatic politician, and could usually handle himself pretty well in sticky situations, he had absolutely no idea what to do about the disaster that was unfolding before him. Fionna could tell he was panicking, and felt awful that they were ruining his night.

When Marshall Lee received no response from either of the two dumb-struck royalties, he just shrugged and started to play with Fionna's braid.

Fionna shot Cake a pleading glance, but the cat didn't seem to notice her sister's predicament. She was goggling and drooling over LM like he was some exotic dish of catnip.

It was at that moment that the waiter brought over their wine. Fionna had drank a couple of times before (with pressure from Marshall Lee, of course), but she'd never had much alcohol in one sitting and had never drank anything as strong as the stuff they put in front of her. The smell hit her like a brick in the looked a bit too excited as they poured her a glass.

Marshall was the first to raise his wine (red wine, of course). "A toast," He announced, with a sly smile. Everyone followed suit and raised their own drinks. Fionna was a little surprised (and a little suspicious) that Marshall Lee had taken the initiative, but raised her glass anyway. The vampire continued. "To Cake, friends, alcohol... and spaghetti straps." He winked down at Fionna, who did her best not to dump the contents of her glass on his stupid head. They all downed a mouthful, and Fionna came out sputtering and coughing on hers.

"The second sip goes down easier." Marshall whispered hotly in her ear. She elbowed him in the ribs.

"Quiet, you." She huffed. Because she felt that she now needed to prove herself, Fionna tightened her grip on the wine glass, brought it to her lips, held her breath, and downed the entire drink in one large gulp. It sent a pleasantly warm, fuzzy feeling throughout her throat and tummy, and she decided that she really enjoyed drinking. Cake hooted and hollered in delight (quietly, though, it _was_ a fancy restaurant), and LM gave a soft neigh of approval. The vampire had to stifle a bought of laughter as Gumball gave Fionna one of the most horrified and bewildered stares he'd ever seen in his life.

"Fionna!" He snapped, gaining the attention of the tables closest to them. "Are you drinking!?"

Marshall wasn't sure who looked more surprised _his_ date, or Gumbwad's. Fionna actually gave a quick, little flinch of fright in her seat from the sudden outburst and stared dumbstruck at the furious prince. She was embarrassed and had absolutely no idea what to say. Rain Princess, on the other hand, shot Gumball a look of death, and droplets of water began to drip from her to the marble floor below.

"What is the matter with you!?" She hissed at him in a high pitched voice. Jealousy was etched across her every liquid feature.

Gumball looked taken aback. He leaned into his seat, shot Marshall Lee an incredulous glare, and regained his composure.

"Pardon me," He apologized, gently taking Rain Princess' hand and giving it a light kiss. His face and hand were both left a little moist from the gesture, and it was obvious he felt too awkward to do anything about it. He grabbed a menu and buried his face in it. "Now, where were we...?"

Marshall Lee could barely hold it in.

The waiter scurried over a few minutes later and Cake and LM had ordered dinner for the entire group. Also, as a couple, they single-handedly finished off one of the three bottle of wine. When Cake was intoxicated she became very loud and very obnoxious. She was trying her best to keep her cool and act sophisticated, but the wine was getting to her, and it was becoming increasingly more difficult not to giggle or talk loudly. LM seemed a little drowsy, and his neighs became slurred.

They weren't the only two who had fallen under the spell of the expensive wine. Fionna's thoughts started to become mushy goo piles and her cheeks were warm and pink. She kept sneaking little glances over to Marshall Lee (who definitely noticed), and a goofy, girlish smile had managed to spread across her lips. She started to pour herself another glass.

"Here," Marshall snickered after a few minutes of watching the girl struggle. Using the arm wrapped around her, he leaned closer to Fionna and guided her unstable hand. Marshall Lee had never seen Fionna drunk, and if he was honest to himself he was really curious and excited to see how she'd behave. The young adventuress glanced up at her friend with glazed, baby blue eyes, murmured some incoherent form of gratitude, and then just stared blankly at the glass. The skin on most of her visible torso was somehow blushing, and Marshall noted that her body temperature suddenly increased by at least two full degrees.

One table over, Gumball was trying his best to entertain his arranged date. He knew that nothing would come out of the night, but he did want to make the best of it, even if he felt he'd already spoiled the evening with his outburst.

"So, Drizzle-"

"Rain Princess." The watery girl interrupted. "Please, call me Rain Princess for now."

"Oh- Pardon me. Rain Princess, then." Gumball was able to keep a tight-lipped smile plastered on his face. "What do you most enjoy?"

Rain Princess gave him an exasperated stare and rolled her eyes. "What kind of stupid question is that? I'm made of fricken rain! I don't _enjoy_ anything!"

Gumball just smiled. "How nice."

The waiter brought out a basket full of hot, steamy bread as an appetizer, and he just barely got out of the way before Fionna and Cake lunged at the sight of food and began stuffing their mouths. Marshall spared a quick glance over to Gumball as the young adventuress began to drink her second glass, slower this time, and noticed the tense expression on the prince's face.

"So Cake," Fionna said suddenly, amid the gulping of wine and bread at the table. "Whaddya wanna do after dinner? Movie? Race? Fire? Start a fire? Do you want to start a fire with me?"

Cake laughed at her sister and then gave LM a playful shove. "Oh honey," Her short arm stretched across the table and squeezed Fionna's cheek, causing a few crumbs of bread to fall from her mouth. "I'm gonna go with LM after dinner. We havin' a special night. Just us."

At that moment the waiter brought over their dinner. Cake had specially ordered Marshall Lee a plate full of the restaurant's best red cuisine (with an apprehensive look from the waiter upon recognition of The Vampire King), but for herself, Fionna, and LM, she had ordered three plates of buttery, expensive spaghetti that steamed with utter perfection. Fionna's mouth watered with the pressure of a fire hose at the decadent smell, but she still couldn't push the feeling from her intoxicated mind that something had been strongly implied in her short conversation with Cake.

_'But, hey,'_ She thought to herself excitedly. '_Spaghetti so whatevs.' _

Fionna then face planted into the noodles and began inhaling her dinner.

Marshall threw his head back and laughed.

**A bit of a shorter chapter. review!**


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